The 365: Day 488

Monday, May 3, 2010 (123/488)

I believe it August of 2004. I was at the Metro in Chicago seeing Kill Hannah performing one of their 35 concerts that I have seen to date. The show was sold out, and I was on the floor level, centered with the stage, back against the sound booth. Mat introduced a song by recalling what he wrote it about. He said he wrote it when he was 19 years old and “just didn’t want to get any older.”

Ever since high school I’ve had an attachment to youth, which is what likely fueled my sense of vanity through college, and ultimately led to my current narcissism. I’m not afraid of getting older, or dying; as some people have heard, I’ve been expecting an untimely death – I don’t know why. My fixation with my youth, and all resulting matters, might be rooted in my mother’s sudden and unexpected passing when I was 16.

When Mat was up there on the same stage that has held so many icons, heroes, and legends of music, I felt like he was speaking directly to me when he was introducing “He Believes In Time Machines.” A song he wrote at age 19 – I was 19.